Monday, February 9, 2015

Midnight Rambler

I've arrived at my blog with no clear purpose other than to do one creative thing today.  It's been a day of practicalities, boo.
Although one thing I have to do which I promised - confess

Last night having declared outright that I would complete a short list of 5 simple tasks before going to bed, I can announce that

I failed, guys.  Shrug.  What can I say? I totally, totally failed and I have to own up to it.  I did some of the things, I tidied up, I prepped my bag and then I got completely sidetracked making a ton of new plans for things that do need doing...but not at midnight.  BAD TESSA.  That was the whole point of the exercise.  I am very aware that something I could really improve on is my focus.  Last night my only focus should have been getting ready for and going to bed so that I could have a great night's sleep and wake up early today.
I let myself become distracted and try to do ten more things so the one thing I was supposed to do turned into a shambles.  I know this.  I think it's good to be able to multitask but it's also good to one thing really well before going on to the next thing (continuing yesterday's theme of one thing at a time). The other funny thing is often if I'm doing 5 things at once I can actually do all of them well - I'm not just a multitasker I'm a pretty adept multitasker - but and I've never asked myself this before, at what cost?
I'm easily stressed, I have a weird schedule that changes a lot which can be hard to keep up with, sometimes it's really physically demanding, and sometimes doing too much just makes me feel plain grumpy and put upon (even though I'm the one that puts the things upon) so while I can do the things and have it all and wow look how busy I am isn't it intimidating, it doesn't mean I should.  The cost is my own serenity, in  nutshell.  And I'm starting to think I might like some serenity.

Something else I do that scrambles my brain: on subway rides or any other time where it's kind of forced downtime (for example if I'm babysitting late and everyone's asleep) I will make lists, lists and lists and lists.  And then action plans to complete the items on those lists.  And then some more stuff I just thought of.  So a 20 minute train journey turns into what is essentially a meeting with myself.  A list-filled self-meeting.  Some of this is useful.  If it's a crazy day it can be good to check in and make sure I'm running on schedule and that I know my next moves.  But sometimes it just ends in my being more stressed than necessary especially since I made a bunch of plans then had to cut my thoughts off because I got off the subway and went to do the next task of the day so they never quite get finished until the next subway ride...basically I don't give my brain any breaks.  Probably this is why I often find it hard to fall asleep - my brain is so practiced at taking any moments of inactivity and turning them into county council meetings that it just doesn't know when or how to hush.
I'm doing it right now
I'm trying to strategically think through why I can't get to sleep when I should be simply GETTING TO SLEEP
OH MY GOD
I need to fix this!
Ordinarily I would probably make some kind of list but that seems incredibly counter-intuitive right now.

Well as they say if you do what you've always done you'll have what you've always had.  So time to try something new...tranquilizers! I'm kidding nobody panic

One thing I always say I'll do but don't is meditate so now could be as a good a time as any.

So, today's 'make yourself accountable' is
I will brush my teeth
I will sit and be calm and breathe in a meditative fashion for 10 minutes
Then I will go to bed!

AND THAT'S IT
Those 3 things
It isn't a list I didn't number anything.  Ok.  Here goes.

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