Saturday, January 10, 2015

Better days

Today was a great day.
The monetary conundrums of yesterday are by no means gone.  But having had time to sleep, eat, feel feelings and do some serious physical burning today has done wonders for helping me not panic about said conundrums.
That's going to be the theme of this post: coping strategies in tough times.  But first, to make up for my sadness yesterday I'm going to post some happiness and also just have some ME time because it's MY blog and it is all about ME here! Hahahaaa.

So I got some new headshots.  Headshots and me in general don't go together - I hate the notion that it's a picture that I've arranged, there's makeup involved, it's a process.  I like pictures of myself if they're an actual moment in my life, or a group shot with friends.  I'm not one of those people who just hates to see pictures of themself.  But a headshot feels like it is not a picture of myself, that's the difference.  This is because I don't wear a lot of makeup, I don't pose myself for maximum attractiveness at all times.  I do not have Instagram.  I don't spend all day taking selfies that I've made sure are my best angle and posting them to various social media platforms.  I'm not into that because it feels like lying.  Of course if I make sure the lighting is good and the angle is good and my hair is good that day and I'm having a good skin day then I'll look great.  If I put makeup on that day even better, of course it'll be a great picture of me, everyone will go oh my what a great picture but I'll know that it ain't the truth - given the opposite set of circumstances, I could also take a terrible picture.  And I don't like the feeling of faking, of constructing an image of myself.

But of course that is kind of the whole point of the headshot - you could just have a really spontaneous picture in your jimjams as a headshot but that's not what people want to see.  While an audition panel or casting director does want to see 'you' in your picture, they want to also see someone who is polished and professional.
Perhaps the whole thing feels so weird to me because, ha, welllll I'm not polished and professional I'm scruffy and alt.
So I'm still getting used to my new pics and am going through them to choose a couple that will be 'the ones'.  It's tough because you're trying to choose a picture that gives a genuine sense of you as a real human person but that also is kind of your best self.  Some pictures say one thing, some say another.  Are you smiley and cute, are you intense and thoughtful, are you goofy and ballsy, are you alluring, are you straightforward? And of course one person can be all of those things so how do you show that with one shot?
The thing Shirin my fantastic photographer said a few times during the shoot was that she felt I have quite a versatile 'look'.  I think she's right - I think I'm quite neutral in some ways, I don't have, say a really round face with a snub nose that would immediately give me a child-like, cutesy quality or some other very distinctive feature that instantly lends me to one thing or another.  And I think many of my friends are the same, they can switch quite easily between a sophisticated, glamorous look or an indie, toned down one or a girl-next-door type thing.  So the challenge really lies in deciding which aspects of yourself it would be most advantageous to bring out.

I haven't decided yet but while I do I'm going to enjoy feeling a bit like a model in some of the pics. Selection here.  Am going to comment on each one cos it will help me figure out how I feel about some of them.  ME time.

This just makes me feel really cool, way cooler than I am in truth.
I like this because it's an actual real smile.

This is one of the ones that I can pretend I'm a model for 5 minutes.  This is the cover of Tessa magazine.
I wish I could use this as a headshot but I'm not sure if I could.

I like it because it looks like the Tessa people know, albeit a bit shinier than usual
This is another pretend model one...I actually like my face in this one but I feel like the pose and the midriff top would just mislead people about what they're getting.  I'm so pale!
I like this one and would consider it but I look a bit mean...I look like I'm getting ready to argue a point in a cynical manner.  Which is probably why I like it, it's very me.
Outtakes...I like it though!
This is a frontrunner.  It looks like the Tessa people know and it's not a posed perfect smile but there's something going on in my face.
This doesn't really look like me I don't think but look how amazing my hair is.  Heyyy.

Here I just think I look fabulous.  The end.

Gonna make a separate post for the tap shots she took which I LOVE.

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